


New Ingredients, New Recipe

by Laenix



Category: The Social Network (2010)
Genre: 4 Things, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Lists, M/M, Multiple Pairings, Rare Pairings, crack crack errywhere erryday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-04
Updated: 2014-03-04
Packaged: 2018-01-14 13:03:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1267531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laenix/pseuds/Laenix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I found an old file on my computer called Crack Crack Crack Pairings.<br/>Fleshed it out. Here.</p>
<p>Or: If four things happened differently.</p>
<p>Or: Save the relationship, save the world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Ingredients, New Recipe

 

  1. **If Sean Parker Partied at the Wrong University**



 

Sean woke up to someone lightly kneeing his crotch as they climbed over him to get off of the bed. He opened his eyes to find the word “Harvard” splayed across an ass as it walked away from him, muttering something about being late for Comp Sci.

“Okay,” Sean said.

It disappeared and was replaced with a lean stomach framed by a pair of nicely toned arms. “You should probably leave soon.”

“Alriiight,” Sean whined, stretching out on the bed and not making a move to get up. “I get the point.”

The student smirked. “Can’t sit up?”

“Mmm… just enjoying the decor. Whose rippling laminated abs are those?”

“Some people would call it a douchebag move to gift someone with a pinup of them self. I personally thought it was sweet.”

“So you have a type?” Sean grinned.

“You’re in my bed aren’t you?”

“Ouch. You know you’re not so saintly yourself, Angelface.” His grin widened at the scowl thrown his way. “Do you even know my name?”

“Do you know mine?”

“Christopher Hughes, but you prefer Chris like anyone born in this century. You’re a Christian, but your Jewish frat is just that desperate. You must have a helluva financial aid package because your mom teaches snot-nosed brats and your dad sells paper.”

Chris hesitated. “What’s my major?” he demanded.

Without missing a beat, “Theater.”

“Seriously, you’re stereotyping now?”

“You’re defensive. Definitely humanities. Sociology, public health? Middle Eastern studies? Why are you taking CS?”

“Literature and history,” Chris said drily. "And I'm dabbling with web design."

“Fancy. Now do me,” Sean smirked. “Well, you know what I mean.”

“Um. Your name is… Joohhn?”

“Seeaan.” He mocked Chris’ tone with a laugh.

“Alright, fine. You win. But not by much – half that stuff could be found on my thefacebook profile.”

Sean leaned forward. “What’s that?”

  1.       **If Eduardo Took the Aisle Seat**



He almost jumped when he felt the fingernails graze his sweater from just out of his peripheral vision. “Are you Mark Zuckerberg? I’m Christy.”

And later that night in a bar, her sharp, “I don’t care.” Mark leaned his head back, closing his eyes and swallowing as her knees brushed against his open toes.

When she asked, “Is there anything we can do to help?” he said, “Firstly, just keep facebooking."

When he asked, “So you knew Sean Parker?” she said, “Yes, you have a meeting, you’re welcome. No, we got over each other in high school.”

A few months later, Mark changed his relationship status, and he didn’t understand why anyone would ever need a scarf when they already had a hoodie.

  1.        **If the Winklevii Got Mark’s Class Schedule Wrong**



“Mark Zuckerberg?”

Dustin had to crane his neck up to look at the two underwear models who were, for some reason, clothed. “Um, no, I’m Dustin. Mark’s my roommate.”

“Sorry, isn’t this OS 161?”

“Yeah, but his lecture’s at three.” Then his eyes widened, realizing he’d just given two very intimidating and possibly angry giants his best friend’s information. “Wait, please don’t hurt him. It was honestly just a prank, and he was in a bad place at the time, you know? I’ll even write a personal apology to your girlfriends if they were insulted–”

The model who was closer to him, Blue Eyes #1, smiled in amusement. “No one’s girlfriend was insulted.”

“Actually, I don’t know,” said Blue Eyes #2. “I never asked.”

“You should do that,” said Blue Eyes #1 before turning back to Dustin. “And I don’t have a girlfriend, anyway. No, actually, we have an idea we wanted to talk to Mark about. Although – if you were involved in FaceMash too, then maybe you could help. Do you have a minute? I’m Cameron, by the way.”

Dustin (who was increasingly aware of his physical disadvantage in every area other than with a PS2 controller) had all the minutes in the world.

“We can’t take you past the bike room, though.”

“Are you kidding?” Dustin gushed. “Wait til I tell Mark I got into the bike room of the _Porcellian_.”

 

“Would you like a sandwich or something?” Cameron asked as he peeled off his jacket.

“Hell yes.”

“Hi, I’m Divya Narendra.” The man who was already there stood up to shake his hand, and Dustin pumped it cheerfully.

“This is Dustin Moskovitz,” Tyler (#2) said. “He’s Mark Zuckerberg’s roommate, and helped create FaceMash.”

Cameron came back in and handed Dustin a cellophane-wrapped sandwich. They both took Divya’s place on the stairs, Dustin unwrapping the sandwich in his lap. “So what’d you wanna talk about?”

Dustin loved the idea, (“So it’s like a party, but with all your friends and no crashing!”) and couldn’t wait to tell Mark. If Mark were here, he’d be bouncing off the walls with ideas, so Dustin took the liberty of speaking for him.

“We’re so in. We're so in."

They smiled at each other. “Awesome!” Cameron beamed. “Can I get your number?” He recorded it and, as Dustin made to leave, held the door open for him. “I’ll call you,” he promised. Dustin nodded trustingly.

Behind him, Divya and Tyler rolled their eyes.

  1.        **If Eduardo Knew Mark Didn’t Do Sorry**



“Erica.”

She looked up. “Mark.”

Another voice, “Erica?”

Erica blinked. “Sorry, who are you?”

“Wardo, I told you I’d be right back.”

Erica recognized that name. “Oh, you’re the boy that loves the sky.”

“Sorry?”

She smiled. “Never mind.”

Mark interrupted, “If I could talk to you alone for a minute –“

“No, I’m good here.”

“We won’t take too much of your time,” Eduardo started gently.

Erica stopped him. “You’re a good friend I bet, but you don’t have to apologize for Mark.”

“Wait, he’s not,” Mark began.

“I’m not,” Eduardo assured. “In fact, I was thinking we could grab a coffee sometime and air out our Zuckerberg grievances. Of course,” he said quickly, “It’d just be an icebreaker. We’d talk about other things, too.”

Erica recovered from her surprise fast enough. “I could consider it, I guess.”

“Fantastic!” Eduardo said, his smile blinding Erica momentarily. “I’ll shoot you a – e-mail?”

Erica didn’t know why Mark was staring at his friend in betrayal – somehow she knew it wasn’t because she was an ex-girlfriend. It just felt like the right thing to say, “E-mail sounds great.”


End file.
